What if my world ends just because I’m weak?
by EmeraldEyes23
Summary: Ash has a bad cold and tries to hide it from Eiji. Until the inevitable happens... This is just a one shot. I got the idea when I had a fever myself. I guess it takes place around the more “relaxing” chapters (if there were any) like episode 11-12 or 17-18.


Everything was fine. He just had a slight cold, no need to worry. He had successfully managed to hide his discomfort, his cough and his fever from Eiji until now. He would just worry and overdramatize everything.

A cold was not enough to wear him down. He couldn't allow himself the luxury of being sick when his life right now was a literal battlefield surrounded by constant violence, death and danger. He'd put everyone around him in danger as well if he showed only the slightest weakness. Especially someone as innocent as Eiji who didn't belong in his world. He had sworn to himself to protect all of them with his life. They depended on him. But unfortunately he himself couldn't depend on anyone. Not even Eiji. He'd only get hurt again because of him. He had already dragged him enough into his violent life as it was. So he'd just pull through this alone somehow. He had to. If only that damn headache wouldn't be splitting his head in two... At least that's what it felt like at the moment. He had to distract himself, find a way to keep his mind busy.

It was already late. Eiji was already lying in his bed, sleeping peacefully. How he could sleep so soundly with such a carefree and relaxed expression on his face while surrounded by constant danger was beyond him. Careful not to wake him up, he decided to sneak over to his computer. Maybe a little research would keep his mind off other things...like that his head was close to bursting or that he had started shivering again despite the nice and warm room temperature.

Only this time he got up too fast. Damn. He suddenly felt dizzy, everything spun around in circles and his vision started blurring until everything finally faded more and more into blackness. Shit, he couldn't faint! Not now. He'd wake Eiji up! He'd be scared to death if he found him like that. He just couldn't do that to him... Still, his body moved against his will, suddenly staggering and finally shutting down completely, going limp like a puppet with cut strings. The last thing he noticed was how his knees gave in and he landed with a loud thump on the floor, taking the chair with him that he had been gripping for a final support.

After some minutes or hours, he had no idea how long it had really been, he felt a hand supporting the back of his head and a cold hand on his forehead. That coldness felt so great on his flaming skin, he wished it would stay there forever... He could hear Eiji's alarmed voice echoing in the distance as if coming from really far away... When Eiji noticed he was burning up, his voice was frantically calling out his name. He heard some other distant voices as well... He wanted to tell Eiji he was alright, that there was no need to worry, but he just couldn't find the strength to do so. He was so tired all of a sudden...

Before he knew it he was lying in bed, a blanket covering him. When he finally came to and slowly managed to open his eyes again, Eiji frowned down at him, irritation clearly visible on his face.

"Ash, since when were you feeling like this?", he asked in an half angry, half worried tone. "And when were you going to tell me you had such a bad cold? I can't believe you were hiding that from me! You're really burning up right now!"

Ash turned away from him, unable to face his penetrant and concerned gaze and answered stubbornly "It's nothing. I'm fine. Don't worry." But then he had a coughing fit that shook his body. Eiji grew even more worried seeing that.

Eiji turned his face towards him again, looking directly into his feverish eyes.

"Ash, of course I worry! And I wouldn't call 39 degrees nothing! Your eyes are even glassy and totally unfocused. You need rest. Now!", he said in a determined voice.

"Eiji, you can't be fucking serious! Don't you see how dangerous our situation is at the moment? I don't have the luxury to be sick. I'll endanger everyone around me. Including you. In my world I can't just call in sick. If anyone sees me like that I'm dead! So are all the people associated with me! This is not your perfect, peaceful utopia in Japan, goddammit!", he shouted angrily, coughing again. Fuck, now his headache had gotten even worse, like a giant hammer constantly hitting against his skull.

Ash saw that Eiji's face had gone awfully pale at his words. Shit, he hadn't meant to take his anger out on Eiji. He was an asshole. Eiji really didn't deserve that.

Ash lowered his gaze, reaching for his temples, desperately trying to ease the pain. Hell, he couldn't just lie here. He still had to do some research, anticipate his opponents' next steps, plan his next move ... He couldn't just do nothing.. Too much was at stake here... They all relied on him. And he was the one to blame if it all went wrong. If he made only one wrong decision they were all dead. Damn! Why couldn't Eiji understand that?!

He tried to get up, but everything instantly started spinning again. Fuck! He groaned from the dizziness threatening to overwhelm him again, his right hand covering his eyes.

Eiji gently but firmly pushed him down again. "I'm aware of the dire situation we're in but in your state you can't do anything. Just rest and leave everything else to us. The world won't end even if you rest for a few days.", he said reassuringly.

Maybe not the whole world. But what about my little world? What if I can't protect my own world? The people I care for, the people I swore to protect? The people I put in danger just because they happen to know me? Like you? What if my world ends just because I'm weak...?

Seeing Ash still hesitating Alex went over to his side. "Boss, Eiji's right. You need rest. I'll take care of everything. The others will, too. Don't worry. Just take it easy for a few days and look after yourself."

Ash wanted to reject his offer, to tell him to fuck off. That he wasn't so weak that he'd take orders from someone else. But he was so drained he could barely keep his eyes open let alone focus on anyone. And he didn't have any strength left to argue. So he just gave Alex what he hoped was a firm nod and mumbled "OK." He wondered if he really saw relief on their faces or if he had imagined that...

Eiji looked at him, his eyes drowning in worry. "Your eyes are glazed over with fever.",he said placing a cold and wet cloth on his burning forehead. He'd never admit that out loud but that felt amazingly good. He finally relaxed a bit. Maybe it was really ok to rest a bit? Damn, he felt so tired...

Meanwhile Eiji had found some medication to reduce his fever and some other things he'd been looking for. He made him take some pills with a glass of water and told him to rest. His eye lids grew heavier with every passing minute and he felt his eyes slowly closing on their own. He was just too exhausted to fight it anymore. Maybe he could sleep it off... So he finally gave in and drifted into a deep slumber.

When he woke up the next day he felt better. Eiji forced some chicken soup into his hands and made him swallow some pills with a glass of water again. He didn't accept no for an answer and just frowned down at him when Ash tried to refuse his help, telling him that pushing him away wouldn't work anyway. He still was way too exhausted to fight with him. So seeing Eiji's caring expression he'd let Eiji push him around. Only this time. He had to admit at least to himself that it was nice to spend more time with Eiji. He always made him relax and he could sleep better when he was there with him. He was the only person who made him feel safe. He completely trusted Eiji. Not that he'd ever tell him that. But knowing him, Eiji would probably know that already. He always saw much more than Ash wanted him to see...

When he woke up the next time Eiji was just moving the coffee table over to the window. To the window that was wide open despite the freezing cold outside. What the fuck?! That explained the chilly air he'd felt when waking up. Meanwhile Eiji had moved the chairs to the window as well.

"Come on, Ash, get up.", he said trying to help him get out of bed.

"No way!", he replied, wrapping himself even more in the warm blanket. "What, do you want me to fucking freeze to death after just having recovered?", he exclaimed in a cold voice.

Eiji just scowled down at him, then rolled his eyes dramatically. "Lying in bed for days isn't good for you, you need fresh air. And you still haven't recovered completely." He touched his forehead with one swift and unexpected motion, making Ash flinch a bit from the sudden movement. You see? Your reaction is still slow or I would have never been able to do that. But at least your fever's nearly gone..." Ash frowned. Eiji was right. Of course he let him get much closer than other people around him. But that sudden movement would have caused him to get on the defensive and block it instantly, especially if it came out of nowhere. Shit. He hadn't even seen it coming at all.

Reluctantly he got out of bed, shivering from the cold. Eiji gently placed a warm blanket around his shoulders. They drank their tea in a comforting silence, enjoying the rays of sunshine coming in through the open window which warmed them despite the chilly winter cold.

After 15 minutes Eiji got up and moved his chair to the original spot and closed the window again.

"Alright, get up. I don't want your cold to get worse again. And you still look exhausted and awfully pale." Eiji wanted to help him up again but of course Ash refused stubbornly. He could at least walk to his bed alone. Or so he thought. But when he got up he noticed that had been a fucking bad decision. As soon as he got up his head started spinning again and his knees were staggering so much that he nearly fell down. He didn't, but only because Eiji had a firm grip on his left upper arm, supporting him. Ash wanted him to let go again. But his grip only tightened. "Ash", Eiji said, glaring at him, his brown eyes clearly offended, "quit being such a stubborn idiot. I swear if you don't let me help you I'll princess carry you. Even in front of your own gang! You know that they're watching, right?"

"Don't you dare!", Ash glared back but there was no real strength behind it.

"Thick-headed moron." Eiji muttered under his breath.Then he sighed. "Just give me your arm. He placed his left arm around his neck and, after removing the blanket around his shoulders first, he led him to the bed again.

Ash lay down again, utterly exhausted and panting from the few steps. Fuck, that was so embarrassing! He didn't want Eiji to see him like that. He wanted to tell him exactly that. But seeing Eiji's warm eyes staring down at him, he just couldn't do it. Eiji pulled his blanket back up, a worried look on his face. "You still look white as a sheet.", he told him, wiping his forehead glistening with sweat and gently moving some strands of his damp-looking blonde hair out of his face. Ash immediately relaxed at his soft touch and was about to fall asleep again.

"Ash, don't sleep yet, take your medication first.", Eiji told him sternly.

"But...", Ash began, his reopened eyes radiating fatigue.

"No buts. Just take it. You'll feel better." He handed him two pills and a glass of water. In a softer tone he added "Let me take care of you and protect you for once, alright?", smiling down at him. "You've already protected me so many times. Now it's my turn."

Shit, he was just defenseless when Eiji looked at him like that, with such a kind and compassionate smile that made him feel at ease instantly. So after a moment he reluctantly swallowed the pills and drank the water. Fighting Eiji was useless anyway, even more so when he felt this exhausted. Eiji could be stubborn as hell in some ways. Especially when worrying about him. He'd never stand a chance in his current state. Giving in was just easier.

Eiji ruffled his messy blonde hair. "Good. Just go back to sleep. I'll be right here."

Before diving into a deep sleep Ash mumbled barely audible "Thank you.", silently hoping that his time with Eiji won't be over so soon and swearing to protect him at all costs. Always.


End file.
